Monday, April 7, 2008

A pathetic interlude

Once upon a time, Calvin built an awesome snowball to throw at Suzie.  It was bigger even than himself, to which Hobbes asked how he was planning to lift it.  Calvin's response? 

"Reality continues to ruin my life." 

That's unfortunately how I feel today.  My first night after surgery was greatly troubled by the world's worst roommate and her angry boyfriend.  The nurses kept riling him up by asking him to leave, and then leaving themselves, so that I was alone on the other side of the curtain wondering when he would decide that they were probably asking him to leave because I had complained about the blaring television at 1 a.m.    My second night was nonstop vomiting, although at home this time.  I feel sad and unmotivated.  And it's completely awful.  I don't have cancer!  It wasn't cancer, and I thought for sure I could handle anything if I could just get that news.  Instead, I feel like Calvin.  I'd feel so great if it weren't for reality. 

A friend today told me that the third day is always the worst.  Today is technically the fourth day after surgery, but yesterday might have been worse.  So maybe tomorrow will be better.  Otherwise, my poor surgeon, whom I usually adore, is going to get an earful.  If only I could lift the stupid snowball. 

I wrote a post just before surgery about reality t.v.  I'll post it now just below this one.  It goes along with the reality theme and will cheer us both up - what with this post being all gloom and doom.


zanne said...

my friend, what you are experiencing seems completely normal to me. after all, you were all prepared to fight the battle--to gird up, put on your armor and go forward. but you don't have to now, thankfully.

so how could there not, in some quirky, ironic and fully human way, be some letdown? you still feel like crap--surgery's surgery, no matter what the news turns out to be. it pulls us down and wears us out. and maybe, in this case, when you found out the enemy was just a paper tiger--you let go a bit of that fighting spirit you'd mustered up so bravely. that fighting spirit that would have moved you through recovery in a different frame of mind, one of gritty determination spurred by necessity.

but no worries. you WILL get better. and you can rejoice in the blessing of knowing you're really healthy (surgery recovery aside).

you're in my prayers--as my friend melissa often says, "God has heard your name today".

Felicity said...

Zanne, that was just wonderfully insightful. I was trying to muster up something perky to say here, and you did much more than that. Well done.

Anonymous said...

I just want to send you a (soft) cyber hug...feel better soon :)


Tracy said...

Although we're all THANKFUL it's not cancer, your body had been through a lot. Don't feel pressured to be happy and full of life today just because you don't have cancer. Your body (and your soul!) still need some time to recover.
I KNOW there have been times when I have felt down even though I "shouldn't" and one of the things I love so much about God is He never made me feel guilty. It's like He just stayed near me and said, "When you're ready, I'll help you up." And most of the time I learned something significant from Him while laying there.
All this to say, don't feel bad for feeling bad. You've been through a lot. I still think overall you have had an amazing attitude through all of this. But if you NEVER felt bad, frankly I'd think you were a little strange. :o)

Anonymous said...

Praying for you friend. Thanks for making me laugh with your reality tv thoughts!!!! I loved the one about The Bachelor. You have such a gift with your writing.
love you,

Anonymous said...

Actually, God has heard your name MANY times in the past weeks, and in the coming days. Hang in there!
Andrea C.

Tanis said...

Hope your doin well good to hear it's not cancer.

Anonymous said...

God is such a dear friend. He waits patiently and helps us through amazingly difficult times. How do people who don't know Him cope during hard times?

Life is so hard sometimes. "I get knocked down but I get up again" seems to be my mantra. I know I could never live that in my own strength!