Monday, October 13, 2008

Waiting For You

An empty bassinet waiting in the corner of the living room, the tiny sweaters we saw at Baby Gap, the crib I slept beside each night - this weekend was packed with new baby goodness and anticipation.

I never knew for sure if I had a very strong bent toward mothering a baby. I knew I wanted to be a mother, but I think it was more of an expected part of my life than a passionate dream. And babies in general had never really done that much to stir my heart.

But after having done it three times and found my greatest happiness ever in its many ups and downs, I feel beside-myself giddy for Charity and the achy-wonderful that's awaiting her.

This is the very time of year that I was nesting for my first baby. He was due nine years ago today. All those sweet empty things waiting for his arms and legs - like the crib and cradle and bunting - crowded all throughout our tiny apartment.

This time of year is the anniversary for that happiness. It's not that I've forgotten the midnight feedings and baby blues and (regrettable) stress over whether or not I was doing nap-time correctly and feeding him at the proper intervals. It's just that the happiness so far exceeds these. I know Charity will have her moments, her tears, her own regrettable stress. But she will also have those moments where she will know she never truly lived before them.

I would never tell someone who cannot conceive that they cannot truly live. And I would never tell someone who has made the choice not to have children that they are wrong. I'm just saying that I really agree with the person who wrote a thought like this, which Charity recently read: Babies are such a cool way to start people.


Anonymous said...

When we brought Ana home from Mexico, we were blessed with a baby shower. I still have Charity's gift - a gold chain with a pendant of the world. Tell her for me, will you?

Tracy Pingel

serenity said...

Of course I will, Tracy! She'll be really touched. I'd count on your comment to tell her itself, but she doesn't read my blog. :)

spinregina said...

Lovely post. I thought I wanted a baby, and then when I got her I realized I had no idea what it was that I had wanted; and couldn't have even dreamed what I got. If that makes sense. Thanks for making me think back on it.

Widney Woman said...

I wanted that nesting time. To walk past the empty nursery and sit in the chair, thinking about what our new baby would be like. But our son came 2 weeks from when we found out about him.

With our daughter, her nursery was completed in February. On a Saturday in March, we were told we were going to have a baby in June. By that Monday, I didn't know what I was going to do with myself, waiting 3 whole months for a baby to fill that empty room. Mercifully, that Monday night, we got the call about our baby girl. We brought her home two days later.

And then J tore the nursery apart to make it an over the top girly nursery.

That just goes to show God really knows us and what we can handle!!